By: Laurie Edwards for Heart1Disagreements and discord are inevitable in relationships. But it’s the way we say things when we’re in the heat of an argument that can have a negative effect on our heart health, say researchers at the University of Utah. According to a recent study, hostile or controlling behavior can cause hardening of the coronary arteries (atherosclerosis), a potentially serious condition.
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Keep yourself and your relationships healthy
Relationships are proven to be good for your heart since they decrease loneliness and isolation – it’s the quality of those relationships that is important.
Arguments are inevitable, but as the old adage goes, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it” that matters in terms of you heart health.
When you and your spouse argue, try to avoid comments like “You’re too negative” or “I want you to do this” that are often perceived hostile or controlling.
Instead of saying “If it’s that important to you, I’ll do it,” consider focusing on the positive: “That’s a good idea, let’s try it.”
The bottom line: Every couple has issues on which they disagree. It’s not practical to avoid arguing altogether, but recognizing the harmful patterns of our interactions and working to eliminate them can result in a longer, healthier marriage and heart.
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The ways in which arguing affects coronary health speak to the differences between the sexes. For women, hostility is the key in terms of heart health while for men the risk of hardened arteries was more closely linked to issues of controlling behavior.“In men, the hostility – their own or their wives’ hostility during the interaction – wasn’t related to atherosclerosis. But their dominance or controlling behavior – or their wives’ dominance – was related to atherosclerosis,” said Dr. Tim Smith of the University Utah, who summed up his study’s findings as such: “A low-quality relationship is a risk factor for cardiovascular disease.”
The study was presented in March at the annual meeting of the American Psychosomatic Society. Smith and his colleagues followed 150 couples – mostly over the age of 60 with no history of cardiovascular disease – to monitor the calcification of their arteries. In otherwise healthy people, calcification represents the narrowing and hardening of arteries that increases the risk of heart attack down the road.
Each couple was asked to pick a controversial topic in their marriage, whether it was money, in-laws or household responsibilities, and then discuss the flash-point issue for six minutes while being videotaped.
Their comments during the interaction were “coded” by psychology to determine the level of friendliness, hostility, submissive or dominant behavior. The researchers relied on the assumption that the behavior during the taped exchange was indicative of a larger pattern within the relationship, but Smith added that a disagreement in front of researchers is probably “a muted version of what goes on at home.”
Not surprisingly, the more hostile the comments made by wives were, the greater the level of calcification researchers found. For women who acted in a hostile manner and whose husbands were equally hostile and unfriendly, the women’s levels were particularly high.
On the other hand, the more controlling or dominant husbands or their wives were, the more men’s levels of calcification increased.
“Another way to say it is that either being controlling or being married to a controlling [person] is enough to promote atherosclerosis in men. So in couples where there was not a struggle for control – where it wasn’t a contest – those men had much lower levels of atherosclerosis,” said Smith.
The benefit of this study is that it allows men and women to examine how the way they interact with each other influences their health. Exercising and eating healthy foods are certainly smart ways to decrease the risk of cardiovascular disease, but so is having quality personal relationships.
To improve the quality of men’s cardiovascular health, couples should focus on ways to discuss problems without trying to control each other. Addressing women’s cardiovascular health in this context would include finding ways to express emotions and concerns without resorting to hostile comments or body language.
“We know that pressures such as anger or hostility can release certain chemicals in the body that may increase the risk of heart disease, but we still need to understand more about how this can affect our heart and circulation,” added Belinda Linden, head of medical information at the British Heart Foundation.
